I\’m old.
At least, I thought that I would be old by now. After all, as a kid all adults are old. Your parents are old. And your grandparents? Ancient.
As you enter young adulthood, forty and fifty still look old. Sixty and up? It\’s all over.
Then you hit your thirties… your forties… and suddenly \”old\” is not so old any more.
I turned fifty on my last birthday. And I\’ve gotta say, it feels pretty darned good!
Huh. Who knew half a century could fly by so fast?
Obviously, those who have gone before. And then there are the sixty and seventy year old people who say I\’m just a pup. And those in their eighties and up? Well, they\’d say that now is when life really gets good.
For many people, fifty is really hard. For me, forty-nine was the challenging year. Between changes in my personal life and preparing to re-launch my career after a two-year sabbatical, the THOUGHT of turning fifty was way more difficult than actually hitting the milestone.
Turning fifty is definitely a time for reflection. And I suppose it\’s not uncommon to take stock of your life and attempt to make decisions regarding the next fifty years.
So here I am, re-emerged from my time off with a new perspective and new choices to make. Following are some of the thoughts I have as I approach the long march towards one-hundred.
1) I accept who I am, warts and all
Well, I don\’t actually have any warts per-se, but I do have many flaws. I mess up… often. I hurt others from time to time. And there are so many times I look back at my choices and have to ask myself, \”What WERE you thinking?!\” (Chances are I wasn\’t really thinking at all.)
While I hope to mess up less, hurt others (and myself) less often and aspire to have fewer regrets, I\’ve come to accept that this is who I am. Rather than beat myself up for my shortcomings, I embrace the fact that God has made me unique, with my own set of unique idiosyncrasies. I know my heart is in the right place, so I accept who I am. If others don\’t like me, well that\’s okay. Look at it this way.
If the President of the United States rarely gets better than a fifty percent approval rating, I can lower expectations for myself.
2) I\’m more accepting of others
I guess this is the corollary to #1. I used to be far more dogmatic about my beliefs, be they political, religious or more importantly, about taste in music. I wouldn\’t hesitate to tell you why you were just flat-out wrong about something.
But as I\’ve become more accepting of myself, I find myself wanting to judge others less. Don\’t get me wrong. I still enjoy sitting in a public place with a friend and playing the \”Judge that Passerby\” game while unsuspecting victims are being secretly made fun of. (Admit it, you\’ve done it as well… and I\’m sure I\’ve been the victim of it as well! I can hear it now… \”Look at that guy with the ratty t-shirt and unshaven face. I\’ll bet he\’s homeless…)
But in general, I\’m more okay with not passing judgment on others who think, feel and believe different from me. That\’s not to say my beliefs are shifting. It\’s just that I can\’t really change how others believe by telling them they are wrong. It just isn\’t effective. What\’s the point?
Honestly, I really don\’t care how you live your life as long as you don\’t hurt others. Vote (or choose not to vote) any way you want to. Choose to believe as I do religiously or choose whatever path you want (See #4 below for more on this). And if you want to think that the Rolling Stones are better than The Beatles, that\’s your problem prerogative.
3) My priorities have shifted
I used to be very driven and ambitious to be successful. I never had a mindset of needing a lot of stuff, but I managed to accumulate quite a bit just the same. I\’ve never purchased expensive cars or felt the need to own a boat like some of my peers who like to take photos of themselves living the high life. I\’m not judging those who do live like that. It\’s just never been for me.
Now, more than ever, I am interested in the quality of my life.
I would much rather work smart than work hard.
I now know that the greatest successes in my business were often not the result of burning the midnight oil. Rather, they came about through a combination of calculated risk, good choices and relationships with others. Of course, the choices were only confirmed to be solid in retrospect, but the risks were always measured.
I don\’t need a lot of money. I would like to continue to earn enough to live a lifestyle which I enjoy. That means I want to cover my obligations and be able to have or do the things that are most important to me.
The icing on the cake would be to have an abundance that could be put towards helping others. Whether it\’s supporting a great cause like WaterIsLife.com or being able to meet needs of individuals who cross my path, I would much rather pour out to others than accumulate and keep it all for myself. It\’s very true that you can\’t take it with you, so why try?
4) I have better boundaries
How many times have you shared a problem with others and they immediately chime in to tell you how you should fix things. And on the flip side, how many times have you shared unsolicited advice with others? Oops, I\’ve done it again. We\’ve all done it.
And I\’m over it.
Unless I specifically ask someone for an opinion on any subject, including my diet, exercise regime, relationship or parenting choices, or whatever else it may be, then here\’s the deal… I\’m not looking for your opinion. I don\’t need you to fix me. I won\’t be pressured into doing something I don\’t want to do. And I definitely don\’t want you to \”should\” on me by telling me how I should be living my life.
I\’m doing my best to do likewise. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue because my natural inclination is to want to help. But I\’m not walking a mile, or even one step, in another\’s shoes. I really have no right to share my opinion unless it is solicited.
When someone shares their unsolicited opinion or advice with me, I may say something like \”I appreciate your concern, but I think I will work through this one just fine.\” If they don\’t get the point and persist, I\’ll be a little more forthright and say \”I don\’t recall asking for your opinion\” (always with a smile on my face.)
If I feel I have something to add to the conversation and don\’t want to violate other\’s boundaries, I\’ll say something like \”I can appreciate what you are going through. Would you like to know my thoughts on that?\” or \”May I share my opinion?\”
Two things happen when you ask permission. First, you are respecting the person you are speaking with. Second, if they say yes than they are more open and receptive to what you have to say.
5) I take more stuff in stride
We all have our share or trials and tribulations. Sometimes things just don\’t work out the way we thought they would. What are you going to do about it?
Life is short. I don\’t want to get all twisted up about stuff, whether or not I have any control over it. I want to do the best I can and then rest knowing that I gave it my best shot.
I once saw a book titled \”Don\’t Sweat the Small Stuff, and It\’s All Small Stuff\”
I don\’t know if everything is a small thing. I wouldn\’t minimize death or cancer or divorce or a child ending up in big trouble. But the fact is there is only so much we can actually do about how things play out.
Carpe all the diems you can, my friends. You just don\’t know what tomorrow will bring.
Of course, there are many more lessons I have learned, and continue to learn, on my journey. But I hope these five perspectives are helpful to you as you continue down the path of your own journey.
Comments? I won\’t say you \”should\” leave them below, but they are certainly welcome.